Why Every Man Needs a Buddy System (and How to Build Yours).

In today’s fast-paced world, the value of friendship is often overshadowed by the demands of work, family, and societal expectations. For men, maintaining meaningful friendships can be particularly challenging. In our latest episode of The Meaning of Men, Geoffrey Greif, author of Buddy System, delves into the intricacies of male friendships and their profound impact on mental health. Geoffrey explores why men struggle with long-term connections, the types of friendships they form, and how these bonds influence male mental health. Highlighting the importance of mental health awareness, he emphasizes that friendships can act as a shield against loneliness, signs of depression in men, and even a mental breakdown.  If you’ve ever struggled to connect or felt guilty about not staying in touch, this one’s for you.

The Types of Male Friendships

According to Geoffrey, male friendships fall into four groups: “must friends,” “trust friends,” “rust friends,” and “just friends.” Each plays a unique role. Must friends are your go-to people—the ones you’d call if your world fell apart or you hit the jackpot. Trust friends are dependable but less central, while rust friends bring nostalgia from your past, like university buddies. Just friends? Casual connections, like a coworker you enjoy chatting with or a neighbor you occasionally see.

The key takeaway? Not every friendship needs to be deep or demanding. It’s okay to have friends that only fit into specific categories. Accepting this can ease the pressure and help you appreciate the unique role each friend plays in your life. Knowing who fits where can also help you focus your energy on relationships that matter most to you.

The Link Between Friendships and Mental Health

Friendships aren’t just about good times—they’re a buffer against stress and loneliness. A solid friend group can help you spot signs of depression in men, like withdrawing from activities or a change in mood. Geoffrey shared research showing that people with larger social networks tend to live longer and happier lives. Having a buddy who notices when you’re “off” and checks in could be the difference between spiralling into a mental breakdown or finding support when you need it most.

Overcoming Barriers to Connection

So, why do men find it hard to build and maintain friendships? Geoffrey explained that it starts young. Boys are often raised in competitive environments, from playground sports to sibling rivalries. This competition sticks around, shaping how men relate to each other. Add to that society’s message that being vulnerable equals weakness, and you’ve got a recipe for surface-level friendships.

But here’s the good news: these barriers aren’t set in stone. Building stronger connections starts with letting go of outdated notions of masculinity. Men also need to rethink how they spend time together. It doesn’t always have to be beers and banter—it could be as simple as a regular catch-up call or hiking together. The goal is to create spaces where real conversations can happen without the pressure to "perform" or compete.

Steps to Reconnect and Deepen Friendships

Rebuilding or strengthening friendships doesn’t need to be complicated. Geoffrey suggests starting small—shoot a text to an old friend mentioning a shared memory or suggesting a casual hangout. Instead of a generic “How’s it going?” try something specific like, “I heard our favourite band is playing—remember when we saw them in college?” Personal touches show you’ve put thought into reconnecting. You’d be surprised how much a little effort can mean to someone, and it’s a great way to start deepening those connections.

The Role of Partners in Friendship

Partners can be a big help—or a gentle nudge—when it comes to male friendships. Geoffrey pointed out that women often try to create social opportunities for their partners, recognising how important friendships are for mental health. The trick? Don’t force it. Instead of arranging an intense dinner where emotions might feel front and center, suggest something low-key, like a bowling night or a group barbecue. The goal is to encourage connection without making it feel like a chore or therapy session.

Conclusion

Friendships aren’t just a perk of life—they’re essential. As Geoffrey reminded us, they’re a lifeline during hard times and a source of joy in good times. For men, putting in the effort to build and maintain these connections is more than worth it. Whether it’s reconnecting with rust friends or leaning on a must friend during a tough period, these bonds can help combat loneliness, ease signs of depression in men, and even improve your health. So, don’t hesitate—make that call or send that text. Your future self will thank you.