Inside The Mind of a Fighter: Lessons on Mental Health, Fear, and Masculinity.

When we think of fighters, we picture confidence, resilience, and strength. But what if that’s only half the story? In my conversation with former MMA fighter Kojo Lewis on The Meaning of Men, we explored the untold side of combat sports—the mental battles, self-doubt, and the journey beyond fighting. Kojo’s story is about far more than just throwing punches; it’s about overcoming fear, understanding masculinity, and finding identity beyond the ring.

Mental health awareness is growing, but depression in men is still often overlooked. Many men struggle in silence, masking their pain behind a tough exterior. Kojo’s experience sheds light on the reality of male vulnerability, the signs of male depression, and how discipline, self-reflection, and mentorship can change lives.

Through his journey from a bullied child to a professional fighter and now a mentor, Kojo offers powerful insights that apply to all men—whether you're an athlete, an office worker, or a father trying to navigate life’s challenges. Here are five key takeaways from our conversation.

1. Fighting Self-Doubt and Imposter Syndrome

You’d assume that stepping into the ring requires unshakable confidence. But Kojo revealed that even professional fighters struggle with self-doubt. He described his battle with intrusive thoughts, questioning whether he belonged and if he was good enough. Sound familiar? It’s called imposter syndrome, and it affects men in all walks of life, not just athletes.

For Kojo, MMA was a proving ground—a way to silence the nagging voices in his head that told him he wasn’t enough. His mindset shifted when he realized that true confidence isn’t about never feeling doubt; it’s about pushing forward despite it. This lesson extends beyond sports. Whether you're in a high-pressure job, starting a new venture, or just trying to be a better version of yourself, overcoming self-doubt starts with acknowledging it and taking action anyway.

2. Masculinity and the Importance of Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin

Masculinity is often tied to toughness, dominance, and control. But Kojo challenges this outdated notion. To him, real masculinity isn’t about being the loudest or the strongest; it’s about being comfortable in your own skin. It took him 40 years to reach that realisation.

In his fighting days, Kojo wore an external armour—his ego. He thrived on external validation, feeding off the cheers of the crowd and the respect that came with victory. But when injury forced him to retire, that persona crumbled, leaving him to face a deeper question: Who am I without fighting?

Many men build their identity around their careers, status, or physical prowess. But what happens when those things fade? Kojo’s journey teaches us that true confidence comes from within—not from titles, trophies, or other people's approval, but from self-acceptance and inner peace.

3.Using Fear as a Tool for Growth

Fear is often seen as something to suppress or avoid. But Kojo argues that fear is actually an essential tool for growth. He describes fear as a “super juice”—a rush of adrenaline that, when channeled correctly, can bring out your best.

He learned this lesson the hard way. In one of his biggest fights, he tried to suppress his fear entirely, convincing himself he wasn’t nervous. The result? He walked into the cage unprepared, without the heightened awareness that fear provides, and lost. The takeaway? Fear isn’t the enemy. It’s a signal that you’re stepping outside your comfort zone. Instead of pretending it doesn’t exist, use it. Whether it’s a fight, a job interview, or a difficult conversation, fear can sharpen you—if you let it.

4. Discipline vs. Hard Work: The Key to Long-Term Success

Kojo admitted that despite his physical capabilities, his career lacked discipline. He worked hard—pushing himself to the limits in training—but didn’t always have the consistency and structure that true discipline requires.

There’s a big difference between working hard in bursts and maintaining steady, disciplined progress. Hard work is sporadic; discipline is sustainable. Whether in fitness, business, or personal development, daily discipline—small, consistent actions—matters more than occasional intensity. Kojo now applies this mindset to his life beyond fighting, setting daily practices that keep him grounded, from breathing exercises to traditional martial arts forms. The lesson? Success isn’t just about pushing hard—it’s about showing up, every single day.

5. Life After Fighting: Finding Purpose Beyond Identity

Retirement from professional fighting was one of Kojo’s toughest battles. The transition left a void, forcing him to confront the pain he had masked with competition. Without MMA, he had to redefine his identity and find new ways to challenge himself.

This struggle isn’t unique to athletes. Many men tie their self-worth to their careers, only to feel lost when that chapter ends. Kojo found solace in teaching, mentoring young fighters, and rediscovering his passion for martial arts beyond competition. His advice? Find something that fuels your spirit. Whether it’s coaching, writing, or learning a new skill, purpose doesn’t disappear when one chapter closes—it just evolves.

In Summary

Kojo’s journey is a testament to resilience, self-discovery, and mental health awareness. His story reminds us that strength isn’t about never feeling doubt, fear, or pain—it’s about facing those emotions head-on. Whether you’re struggling with depression in men, signs of male depression, or simply trying to find direction, his insights offer valuable lessons.

Masculinity isn’t about being invincible—it’s about being real. It’s about accepting fear, embracing discipline, and defining success on your own terms. Kojo found his way beyond fighting, and his story is proof that no matter where you are, you can too.