Behind the Uniform: A Former Commando’s Take on Men’s Mental Health.

What do mental health issues look like for the men society expects to be invincible? In this episode of The Meaning of Men, I spoke with Kyle—a firefighter and former Royal Marine Commando, —who opened up about his battles with mental health. Kyle’s story is a powerful reminder that even the strongest men can struggle with depression.

Kyle’s journey took him from the structured intensity of military life to the uncertainty of starting fresh in a new country. He faced isolation, lost his support system, and felt the crushing weight of depression. Yet, through it all, he discovered the courage to speak up and seek help.

In this blog, we’ll unpack five key insights from our conversation—lessons that every man (and those who care about them) should know. Together, let’s break the silence and spread mental health awareness.

1. Mental health isn’t a weakness.Kyle spent years in environments that demanded toughness—first as a Royal Marine Commando and later as a firefighter. The expectation to "man up" was ever-present, leaving little room for vulnerability. But as Kyle discovered, strength isn’t about suppressing emotions; it’s about facing them. Male mental health often suffers when men feel they have to maintain a façade of invincibility. By breaking this cycle and speaking out, Kyle proved that real bravery lies in addressing your struggles, not burying them. His message is clear: acknowledging a mental breakdown doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.

2. Watch for signs of depression in men. Depression in men often doesn’t look like what people expect. Kyle pointed out that instead of tears or sadness, it can manifest as anger, irritability, or shutting down. Recognising these less obvious signs of depression in men is crucial. If a man in your life seems unusually withdrawn, overly reactive, or focused on escapism, it might be time to check in. As Kyle emphasised, awareness of these signs can save lives, fostering connections before it’s too late.

3. Isolation can be dangerous. Moving to a new country might sound exciting, but for Kyle, it triggered a deep sense of loneliness. Leaving behind a strong network of friends and the camaraderie he’d built during his military and firefighting careers left a void. He described how isolation worsened his mental state, creating a dangerous cycle of self-doubt and depression. For many men, losing social connections can lead to a downward spiral. Kyle’s story is a reminder that community and support systems are vital for maintaining mental health. Rebuilding those connections takes time but is worth every effort.

4. Talking saves lives. Kyle’s turning points came when he started opening up to those he trusted. Sharing his struggles helped lighten the burden he’d been carrying alone. Many men hesitate to talk about their feelings, fearing judgment or rejection, but Kyle’s experience highlights how transformative these conversations can be. Honest dialogue fosters understanding and connection, two things essential for healing. The first conversation might feel difficult, but as Kyle said, “It gets easier, and it’s worth it.”

5. Healing. with purpose. After hitting his lowest point, Kyle found hope in rediscovering purpose. His role as a firefighter gave him a sense of belonging and the opportunity to help others—a mission that reignited his strength. Having a clear purpose can be a powerful antidote to feelings of emptiness or hopelessness, especially for men who tie their identity to their roles. Whether it’s through work, hobbies, or relationships, finding something meaningful to focus on can be a lifeline. For Kyle, his work became more than a job; it became a way to reclaim his mental health and reconnect with his sense of self.

Kyle’s story is proof that even the toughest men can experience depression. Male mental health needs open conversations and supportive communities. Whether it’s recognizing the signs of depression in men or offering a listening ear, every small step counts. Remember: asking for help isn’t giving up—it’s fighting back.